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Sunday, July 1, 2012

It's Time to Close the Door on Your Bad Relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship where you wanted out, but you didn’t want to get left out? You know, a situation that just isn’t working and you want to move on, but you want something to move on to? Well, it's time to close the door on your bad relationship so you can allow a new one to begin.

You know how the saying goes, when one door closes another will open?  You have to let the first door close completely before pursuing something new or the old will always creep back in.  You have to not only change the lock, but deadbolt that bitch, so there is no chance of creeping in or breaking in.

This is what's called closure of the heart - complete closure.  The problem with most ongoing relationships is there is no closure and that's partly your fault.  Even though you’ve grown apart, the pop up visits or the surprise sex sessions always perk you up and make it seem like the unthinkable will happen - he/she will change.  But you know the routine - a few days, weeks, or even months of bliss and then back to the same BS. 

Don't think you're not alone.  Heartache does not discriminate.  Even the most powerful, confident and seemingly “got it together” individuals suffer from keeping the door cracked syndrome– why is that?  It’s because deep down inside you’re hoping that the person will change whatever it is that’s not making the relationship work.  The truth is, if it’s been more than six months and you’ve discussed what upsets you and they continue to do it,  it’s a losing battle and you’re wasting your time.  Admit it – face it – cry over it - and move on!

Now, of course, if you’re content with the booty calls, broken promises, and meaningless "I love you’s" then you’re obviously not ready to move on no matter how much you complain about being sick of it.  

Everyone knows you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change, and the bottom line is if you allow someone to put you on the back burner on low, you will always be a low priority simmering in the background until they get ready for you.  Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life?  

One of the most difficult decisions in life is to walk away from someone you love, especially if it’s been a long-term relationship.  I mean a relationship that has had high high's and low low's - breaks ups and make ups.  The thought of being alone, not having that person to talk to, not having that person in bed at night almost makes you think it's not that bad  – but wait a minute; aren’t your gripes about being alone, that person not calling you or not coming home?  Or maybe it’s just a total lack of consideration – having you waiting and they never show, telling you their with "the boys" and the baby's mama is posting pics of them together on Facebook – obvious and blatant disrespect and not an ounce of concern for your feelings. Is this what you really want?  

You can say to yourself over and over again looking in the mirror, “I’m done,” but when that person shows up unannounced, calls out of the blue, or sends that "I miss you text," you melt at the thought of them giving you a bit of their precious time while they're thinking they are in total control and they've got you wrapped around their finger like the damn fool that you are.

This is not what a relationship is supposed to be – unless you’re a gluten for pain and you don’t mind your friends asking themselves when you’re not around, “What the hell is wrong with you.”  That’s right, after the crying on the shoulder of a friend over and over again, they too begin to realize that you must like it because you’re still there, and yes they talk amongst each other when you’re not around – but that’s okay because you know they love you don’t you?

Think again baby – they’re just not that into you and you need to bring some closure to the situation so you can move on to better things.  It might hurt for a bit but you deserve better and you should never settle for less.  It's time to change the lock, get a deadbolt, and allow your heart to be touched by someone who deserves and can appreciate what you have to offer.  

By The Heart Doctor

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