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Monday, May 7, 2012

Can You Trust Your Man's Female Best Friend?

No matter how many times he assures you that she is just his best friend-- there is something about her presence in your man's life that makes your heart ache with jealousy. Why does he have a need to talk to her, text her, hang out with her? Now that you are in a committed relationship with him -- why does your man need to remain in communication with another woman who makes him laugh and whom his family loves? If they were not "just friends" they would make a such a cute couple and this is what bothers you the most.

Now that you are his girlfriend does he really need to a "female best friend?" What could his female best friend possibly give him that you can't? Does he trust and love her more than you? Is she a threat to your relationship? Does she secretly have a crush on your man? Is she waiting in the wings to take your place? Who has the most power over your man-you or his female best friend? Well there are advantages to both relationships depending on how he truly feels about his female best friend--FBF.

The advantage of being his wife or girlfriend is that you get to make love to him, kiss him, see his nude body, go to family functions, attend work-related events, spend holidays together, set relationship boundaries such as expecting him to call or come home at certain times of the day.
His FBF may never get to know him in the intimate way that you do. She may never know the taste of his kisses, or the way he whispers, "I love you" after having an orgasm; but her position of power in his life is a lot deeper than a sexual relationship. Her relationship with your man is not as intense, potent and rich with passion but this is exactly what gives her the upper hand in your man's life because she is not having arguments with him fueled by jealousy over who called, or fights over who left the toilet seat up, drank the last of the milk without replacing it, splitting the bills, sharing the remote, or in-law drama.
So what does his female best friend have to offer him that you can't? -- The most honest and truest part of his heart and soul. Yes, your man tells his FBF all the things that he could never, ever, tell you in a million years because it would break your heart. His FBF is privy to how he really feels about your body-whether he really thinks you need to lose weight; she knows his truest intentions for your relationship and all of the other women that he is attracted to.
An advantage of being the FBF is that he will typically ask her "the female perspective" on important issues such as love including whether or not he should break up with you, marry you or apologize about the last argument you had in your relationship. Her ultimate power is that she was a part of his life before you came and will likely be a part of his life if or when you leave.
As long as his FBF does not have sex with him - she will always hold a powerful, meaningful position in his life. Sex complicates relationships because it is an emotional chemical that either bonds or destroys a couple based on other variables in the relationship. If he is not having sex with his FBF this gives him the emotional freedom to share with her the details about his sex life that he wouldn't even be comfortable discussing with a male friend.
Can you really trust this woman that your man confides in and trusts with all of his little secrets including how he really feels about you? All FBFs are not a threat to your relationship but herewith listed are...

Signs that you cannot trust your man's FBF
1. They have been friends for less than 2 years.
2. She is the girl that he couldn't sleep with so he settled for "friendship" status.
3. His parents, especially his mother, sisters - women in his family love her!
4. She calls him all the time to do little things for her such as pick up her kids, take her to appointments and fix things around the house.
5. She constantly pulls rank in your interactions with her by reminding you that she was a part of his life before you arrived and that she will be there when you leave.
6. She gets pleasure out of watching you cringe when she favorably talks about his previous girlfriends.
7. You know that his FBF thinks that he can do better than you.
8. Your man always takes his FBF's side whenever there is any type of disagreement.
9. She does not have a boyfriend or husband and is not seriously dating or looking for a mate--because she is leaving space open in her life for someone--- your man.
10. You caught your man checking her out when he thought no one was looking.
11. She goes out of her way to wear sexy, provocative clothes whenever she is around your man.
12. She hesitates or shows a slight discomfort with letting you sit in the front seat of the car.

These are signs that your male partner's female best friend is an ally and that you can trust her.
1. She respects your relationship by not contacting him constantly over little things because she know that he is in a serious relationship.
2. She makes it a point to invite you to all functions, parties and events.
3. Your male partner tells you that he is sorry because his female best friend told him that he was wrong and she took your side without having talked to you.
4. Your man feels extremely comfortable bringing you around her and he acts like himself in her presence.
5. She gives off a sister-platonic vibe when she is around your man. She doesn't dress to impress him.
6. She is in a loving, healthy relationship, date or seeking a relationship.
7. They had sex at least 5 years ago and they both have moved past a sexual attraction to the other.
8. She is pleasant and respectful to you over the phone.
9. She introduces you as his wife or girlfriend, not his "date."

Dr. Cassandra George Sturges MA, MA, is a mother of two teenagers, a full-time psychology instructor, , author of "A Woman's Soul on Paper" ISBN: 0595171435; The Illusion of Beauty: Why Women Hate Themselves & Envy Other Women; Men Interviewed Tell: 101 Things Women do to Turn Men Off; Success & Beauty is an Attitude: A Woman's Guide to finding herself and making her dreams come true.
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