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Monday, January 16, 2012

The First Things to Do When the Kids Say They Want to See Their Other Parent



Marriages are not made in heaven. Many are made in haste and sometimes with the wrong person. Both women and men enter marriage with a rosy optimistic view that all will pan out well. That is, until they encounter the undiluted view of their partner's true colors. This clear view may look like the darker side of midnight. When people continue in marriages that are no good for them, the results can only be catastrophic in the short-term. This would probably mean opting out of the marriage in its beginning years, probably with young children to boot. In marriages where one partner was the aggressor, it is common to have kids staying with the more gentle and lovable parent. The main aim is to ensure that they have an improved existence with more peace and harmony.
Most parents are totally unprepared for the later years when the kids have grown up and want to see their other parent. They get the shock of their lives that their kids would still want to see a person who probably has no interest in seeing them, has not supported them or has been out of touch for all the ensuing years. Furthermore, the emotional turmoil for them is totally unbearable but single parents must keep within the following boundaries;
DO NOT
  • TAKE IT PERSONALLY - kids are allowed to be curious and it is natural that they would want to make their own assessment of their other parent.
  • OVER REACT - getting into a temper tantrum will only annoy them and make them more resolute in their will to see their other parent because they will want to know what the big deal is.
  • TRY TO DISSUADE THEM - attempting to sidetrack kids is both unrealistic and unfair to them. They deserve to know, even if it is only to satisfy their natural curiosity.
  • TRY TO BRIBE THEM - offering them other incentives in form of bribes so that they do not rock the boat will only make them suspicious and more resolute because they will still want to uncover the hidden mystery.
  • TRY TO BLOCK THEM - standing in their way will create deep-seated resentment for you. In future, they may probably not tell you about their other plans because they will fear the reaction.
DO
  • TELL THEM THE TRUTH - for all people everywhere, the truth shall definitely set you free. It shall also allow them to get a balanced view once they have had a chance to interact and talk with their other parent.
  • BE PATIENT - let them do their thing. Let them grow like other children by giving them a chance to air their views and concerns without fear. This will allow them to be more confident in their dealings with other people.
  • BE THERE FOR THEM - support and encourage them. Tell them that you will be there for them no matter what. Warn them that things may not go as planned so that you can adequately prepare them for either outcome.
  • MAKE INITIAL CONTACT - it is much more prudent to make the initial contact with the other parent on their behalf. The main idea is to conduct a fact-finding mission to ascertain whether it is safe to proceed.
  • SET THE BOUNDARIES - if and when the other parent has agreed to meet the kids, discuss the arrangements meticulously. Boundaries must be set for the initial meeting with regard to timings and meeting venue. The idea is to make it secure for all parties concerned.
These are some of the initial things any single parent should do so that they gain control of this potentially volatile situation. A well handled matter serves to earn respect and admiration from the kids. It also wins their trust because as they grow, they will feel confident to come back to you to assist them to negotiate their way through life's perilous waters.
Elizabeth Muthoni Kariuki is the owner of http://elizabethkariuki.blogspot.com, a self actualization website. The cares of the world have a tendency to swerve someone off course on their exciting journey towards their goals. Taking decisive actions to improve personal income and enjoyment would add significant depth into any lonely existence.


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